Got this e-mail the other day:
"sorry to say but i think you are only going through a phase. to have a blk wife and children takes courage. hell, to have a blk gf in america takes courage. no offense, but the average white man isn't giving up his whiteness and its privileges for a blk woman...no matter how beautiful the woman is."
Don't really get this. What kind of "phase"? This is not a phase at all, and second, if it would be a phase, how come this so called "phase" has been a "phase" that has been running of 15 years in time. I think that is a bit too long to be labeled as a "phase". And why wouldnt I have the courage you are taking about? To me, there is no way I can see myself getting married to anyone else but a black woman. Thats just how I am. Fact. And giving up my "whiteness and it's privileges"? What is all that about? I know some of you will say, yeah there are privileges being white in the world's society. But What is that. Am I supposed to live my life after what the society want me to be?! NO WAY.
45 comments:
Please ignore those stupid emails. There are alot of people out there who want to keep black women in a box. I guess it blows their minds that a white man can love a black woman. Europe is such a different place when it comes to black/white relationships. I can say for a fact that I know my future husband will be white and European!
Hey, they are jealous of you. They know that when you find your black beauty you will be in Paradise. I hope and wish you find this cherished and loving black woman fast. As I have said before, in Brazil we say that black women have fire inside.
Andreas, it's great that you are sure of the type of woman you want and in light of how negative some people are and will be, you are very courageous. I respect you for that because a lot of men think so little of black women.We are like nonintenties, not worthy of being considered as a wife or mother to thier children. It's lovely that you do think that a black women is worthy. I hope you find that absolute right and perfect women for you. She will be lucky to have someone like you. I hope I meet someone who will hold me and my beauty in such reverence.
Love and light...
...also,there are a lot of bw/wm couples out there. They just don't get as much coverage as other ir couples. Iman and David Bowie have been in thier "phase" for about 17 years now. I think they are suck a striking couple.
To the first Anon...
Amen to that one. I enjoy European men, they are different in some ways. I still love my American boys too, but they are becoming bolder.
Moorena
Ignore emails like that hun. there are people who don't want to see you or bw happy. you know what you want, and you made a blog about it. Marrying a bw is no different from marrying a asian, hispanic/white women. Marrying itself takes courage! it has nothing to do w/ color. I hope you find your black queen!
I'm guessing this mail is actually from some white woman who can't stand that the spotlight is being diverted away from her and to Black women instead. I'm convinced of this because the mail is worded very cleverly to hide how it is meant to make Andreas feel guilty for being so attracted to Black women.
While it is in no way directly related to Andreas his blog, I'd strongly advise this white woman to read the following blog sometime, so she can start to come to terms with the fact that many white men have just become so tired of white women, and the way the media keeps putting them on a fake pedestal.
whitewomensuck.blogspot.com
a "phase"? LOL! honey, white men have happier, more stable marriages with women who aren't white!
http://www.eric.ed.gov/ERICWebPortal/custom/portlets/recordDetails/detailmini.jsp?_nfpb=true&_&ERICExtSearch_SearchValue_0=EJ789855&ERICExtSearch_SearchType_0=no&accno=EJ789855
oh and this study was done by two white women!
oh that link is too long. just paste this in google then!
Marital Instability among Interracial and Same-Race Couples
Andreas, the fact that you're starting to get "hate mail," means your site is getting popular. Just give us some time and you'll get some crazy-ass trolls on here talking all kind of nonsense, be prepared that means your site is REALLY getting popular. Are you aware of what happened to Classical One and his "white men who prefer black women," blog? Be advised, be advised. But in terms of the whole "white women suck," blog, I don't like that blog, I don't feel its necessary to degrade white women in order to elevate black women, I don't like that at all. I think everyone is entitled to respect. (this is coming from a black woman)
it'll just be a matter of time before you have to start moderating your comments.
"Just give us some time and you'll get some crazy-ass trolls on here talking all kind of nonsense"
meant to say "just give IT some time and you'll get some..."
Anonymous May 24, 3:53p.m.:
Why would C1 be an annoying troll here if his site is equal to this one. You are a troublemaker. Please leave immediately because this site is not for you.
Ii is inconceivable why there are so many black men who cannot stand the thought of a non-black man loving black.
I personally do not think WWS blog is degrading white women, but I think HP just "exposed" somethings...just as black men are being "exposed." HP was not claiming to do this FOR black women as he was not married to a black women but one of another background. You have to observe the deeper aspects of what HP was saying--by his demonstrations. He was against as he stated several times--the PEDESTAL.
The blog was mainly for the white men who felt the same or who were waking up and for them, white women NEEDED to exposed(just like the stuff with black women needing to wake up about black men).
Personally, I ENJOYED the blog because it gave a perspective I may not have understood before. And why white men were so quite on some matters. :o)
THAT is what I liked about Harry's site and I recommend it to anyone, regardless of the "apparent tone."
This is MY opinion. :o)
People would call Andreas site superfical (another angle of blog twisting, like people did Harry's--from "bashing white women" to"superficial love of black women" can a guy get a break??) but he is simply appreciating our beauty, I am sure it goes farther than skin deep.
Moorena
Any way Andreas,
Keep up the truth you bare in your heart. Don't back down for any one. Remain a bright light in the night for others to be guided.
I love the fact that more white men are OUTWARDLY expressing their adoration for black women.
It has been long over due.
Black men have been doing this for YEEAARRS with white women and very outspoken on it too- at times obnoxious with it.
But Andreas it being truthful and classy with it. Got to love'em for it!
Lydia: "Why would C1 be an annoying troll here if his site is equal to this one. You are a troublemaker. Please leave immediately because this site is not for you."
Lydia, calm yourself. I don't think i ever said or implied that
c1 was an annoying troll. It seems like maybe you didn't comprehend my comment, I was merely referencing the fact that c1's blog got attacked by anti-bw bloggers and he had to ultimately censor his comments and then after being stalked ultimately shut his blog down and stop blogging all together. I was merely letting Andreas know what he is in for in the crazy blogosphere. Being a wm and praising a bw is a controversial thing in the interracial blogosphere and he should be prepared for that. Calm down, its not that serious and I'm not going anywhere lol. - anon girl
that email did not come from c1, that's not even his writing style and he is taking a break from blogging. leave the man alone. - anon girl
that email did not come from c1, he doesn't even blog anymore, stop accusing the man of things. he doessn't write like that.- anon girl
So many people out there who strictly outside their race. I can understand some people may be surprised about this whole blog thing but that's definitely not a "phase". It's just who you are and what you like.
Lydia, I know realize your comment wasn't directed at me, I am not the anon you were referring too. sorry.
Be encouraged to know that you have a lot of support for your beliefs. Unfortunately, the nuts really come out in full force when you are "famous." You have to have a thick skin and not let them get you down-- much like what everyone else has said here. I think that your site is great. We need more like yours.
I so agree with anonymous. some people do seem to want to keep us in a box. And I think those people are generally operating out of fear and cowardice. Maybe they're too afraid to take a public stand and go after what they want, so they want to try to instill fear in other White men that aren't as afraid. And how ILLOGICAL is it for a MAN to be afraid to want and pursue a WOMAN?!! It's absurd. And I am very much hoping my future husband will be a White European. Don't get me wrong, I am attracted to White men in general and know there are White American men who love Black women. But it just seems that there are too many that are afraid of what society will think.
Eff all the haters, Andreas. Follow your heart and disregard those who wouldn't see you do so.
I've been called worst for dating white men ;- )
That means you're on the right track. :-)
@Andreas: I LOVE your blog! I have posted a link to it in my Yahoo girls group "Sisters loving across the color line"
To me it is sheer appreciation and adoration for the women you are attracted to. There is nothing wrong with that. Everything doesn't have to be a sociological study or series of cultural exploration essays.
@Krystn2003:
Where have you BEEN girl! I was thinking about you the other day!
I am glad to see you back commenting on sites. Drop me a line when you can.
-Maria
I say this because C1 was on another site talking about leaving America because he was worried about white people losing there power in America. He always talked about white guys being careful of getting involved with black women. This guy's site is better than C1's. C1 is a racist.
This guy's site is better than C1's. C1 is a racist. See, I don't know about that. I think that with all of the drama on his blog, he just became disillusioned and wanted to take a break from it all. I think that he still desires a Black female partner, but he was just frustrated with the amount of hate that he got for voicing his opinion. I don't know if he really understood what he was getting into. The comments he made on the other site were out of frustration. But, I've been known to be wrong before....
Ignore the trolls and keep doing what you do-your dedication to showing the spectrum of black beauty is admirable.
Aloha everyone. you may not want my two cents worth, but I was attracted to the remarks about is my love for bw on;y a phase? or no white man would give up his whiteness and privileges no matter how beautiful the sista may be, etc. Uncanny words!? I agree that my love for black women has also lasted beyond any kind of phase. Lately, I've wondered why I didn't consider sistas before. Then I remembered that racism within my own family prevented me from seeking love beyond barriers. As for whiteness and privileges, the older I get they only irritate and sicken me; how, simply because of my race and privileges, somehow doors open to me. Yes, I've noticed that but still don't like it. Thanks for all of your comments here. I agree Marriage is tough, no matter who. Am glad Europe thinks differently about love and race. I've never been happier with anyone but a BW, and wasn't this game of life/love and happiness about being happy? Shout to Femmefab for talking straight. It also angers me that men think so little of black women. To do so is pure folly. the world is slowly waking up to the perils of underestimating our women. I long to find a Black Queen and strive to make her happy, too. Anyway, thanks for sharing and listening, everyone. Peace!
Andreas, may I offer a word of advice? If and when the trolls come to your blog on the attack, the best strategy is to ignore them. Moderate your blog and do not allow posts by trolls the light of day. And do not respond to them - it will do no good - they are not rational people and neither their mission nor their method is rational.
I have noticed that the IR blogs and bloggers that have used this strategy of ignoring and shutting down trolls have survived and are still happily blogging. The IR blogs and bloggers that have given free reign to the trolls and allowed them to post and tried to respond to the trolls' posts have worn themselves out and fallen by the wayside. The troll wants his/her posts to be published, to anger people, to generate heated responses, to change the focus and tone of the blog, and to suck the life out of the blog. Deprive a troll of that air and s/he will suffocate and die and find some other naive blog and blogger to destroy. The troll is easily silenced and destroyed if you moderate and ignore his/her posts. This frustrates the troll and s/he will slink off into the sunset like the pond scum that they are.
People need be open-minded in both ways. Just because someone dislike or disagree he is called a hater/supid/fool. So to the ones who responded with no real arguments and poor choices of words you are just as intolerant as people against IR relationships.
Rubbish. That e-mail was nothing but a post that tried to downplay and dismiss Andreas' deep admiration of black women as something that's "just gonna pass". The only kind of person who would try such a thing is someone who deep down hates interracial relationships, or at least, hates relationships between white men and black women.
Such people need not be treated with a velvet glove. Covert racism is outdated just the same, and belongs in the trash can. And that's exactly where everyone here has put it. That is a POSITIVE thing.
How do you know this person hates IRR?? I mean he only posts a part of the e-mail. We don't know how this person really feels, maybe he/she disapproves or just doesn't understand.
I know there are a lot of racial issues in america maybe that's why this person talks about " giving up whiteness and privileges" therefore I think many americans feel that so it looks like a big society issue. Not just a "hater" or whatever you want to call them.
True,none us may know what the person meant when they wrote that email, but what I know is that if you call yourself a friend, then you will respect and support your friends preference in the women he is most attracted to. Saying it's just a "phase" has an implication Andreas obviously picked up on and most of us who commented picked up on it as well. As Anon 12:26am stated, "tried to downplay and dismiss Andreas' deep admiration of black women as something that's "just gonna pass". If this friend don't get down with the black/brown, cool, but respect that you have a FRIEND who does. Don't negate his feelings with such a comment.
Many a white man has risked "white privelage" to be with his black mate and for the most part has not suffered any extreme backlash for it. And if they do, then it really illustrates the point that has been made over and over about the devaluation of the black women.
Anonymous, I can read just as well as you can, and I call it as I see it. There was hate in what was said. The hate was about the writer not being able to handle watching Andreas stand like a man for his principles, while the writer was too afraid to stand for his (i.e., hiding behind fear of giving up "white privilege"). Calling Andreas' preference a "phase" was an attempt to ridicule Andreas for his strength of mind - to induce him to be governed by bogey man fears. If Andreas had a preference for white women, would that be a phase? Or for Asian women, would that be a phase? The truth is that interracial relationships are as American as apple pie and are frequently found throughout the world. It is a blessing that men who are too cowardly to live by their own principles stay away from WOC - that way WOC get the real men and don't have to waste our time with cowards.
"The truth is that interracial relationships are as American as apple pie and are frequently found throughout the world. It is a blessing that men who are too cowardly to live by their own principles stay away from WOC - that way WOC get the real men and don't have to waste our time with cowards."
That was a wonderful way of putting it.
Response to Sandra77: That was a perfect way of putting it!!
my 2 cent is about "phase" thing I am not sure but approximately 10 years ago I was on the couch and watching tv with over-torqued and afterall thought to what is going in the world and turn CNN and suddenly freezed up with I had seen.It was a weather report but something totally different for me cause of unknown beauty.Yes she was standing with her cuteness reporting weather news and smiling to me that was my first attraction to black women and my first crush on bw as well. And who says this is "phase" 10 years after she is still looking good to me makes my heartbeat fasten and who is the moron saying that is a "phase"?
I wish and pray there were more white men like you. The men who can PUBLICLY show their love and affection for a sistah.
Best wishes to you and I very much enjoyed your blog.
I have to admit that i read your blog and I am flattered by it,but it does seem like a phase, or immature at best. The email was right about interracial relationships being very hard work, harder than other relationships, ESPECIALLY when it's a white man and black woman, trust me, I"m a 26 year old black woman with a white husband and we have a 1 year old daughter. I think your blog is slightly immature because after being with someone for about 4 months, their race disappears and it is the person that counts, and generally, most peopleare the same. THe color of their skin will matter very very little once you get to know them and it won't keep you attracted to them if they are a bad person.
I can understand where you are coming from exactly. I felt about blonde men the way you feel about black women. I even wanted to move to Sweden so I could marry a blonde man! But actually being with someone takes away that idol-like worship that you have when you actually begin to interact with them. It takes away the mystique and normalizes them, which is a good thing because it makes them real. As a good man, you should worship any woman you are with, but not simiply because of her skin color, but her personality, trust me, there are tons of beautiful black women out there that would piss you off if you got to know them, unworthy of your admiration of them if they are not nice folks.....
I think white men in AMERICA have a different way of looking at interracial relationships, especially when the woman involved is a BLACK woman. This idea of "white privileged" in America is real. I believe that there are plenty of white American men who are OPEN to dating a black woman, or may have wanted to at some time, but basically wimped out because of backlash from family and friends, which is very sad. If you love a woman enough to marry her, but are afraid of what OTHER people would say, than I can't exactly call you a REAL man. He was being honest, but he is sadly calling it a phase, probably knowing he doesn't have the guts men like you have.
Hi Andreas I love your blog. I have been coming alot to see new pics of hairstyles and clothes. I love it. I love that black women come in so many shades and have so many styles. I have seen many hairstyles that I want to copy. Thanks for the appreciation.
Hi Vee, I was just checking out your weight loss blog journal and you have inspired me to do a journal. Not a blog journal but a written one with pics and everything. Wish me luck
SIMONE
I think that you should always follow what you firmly believe in which I can tell you're doing. I'm a Black man who was married to a Black woman so I'm giving my perspective from the 'other side of the track' so to speak. I love Black women but at the moment I'm seriously in love with the white woman. Like you Andreas I have always wanted to be with a White woman but never had the chance as I left the UK at a very early age. I grew up in Jamaica so Black is all I knew. Now I'm in the UK again, I have the opportunity to both work and 'share' my love with White women. Is this a passing phase? I don't think so, cause at the moment I don't feel any connection with a Black woman whether it be physically or otherwise. But she is a WOMAN so I respect her and will never dis her in any way. Women, no matter what the colour, race or creed, are to be revered.
Finally , whether it's a White man going out with a Black woman or vice verse, there is a certain beauty about seeing the two together. It should be encouraged not discouraged. More interracial relationships I'm sure, will make the world a better place to live in.
Keep up the good work Andreas.
b9 that was nicely put.
SIMONE
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