Thursday, April 9, 2009

Why? - an answer

I gotta answer this very interesting and deep comment I got from TBG.

"So, I stumbled upon it, and I was do I like this whole idea? I've met and spoken with alot of white men who are enamored over black women. Its Soooo flattering. It is. What seems to disturb me about it, is that deep down within me, I feel like there is something wrong with being race specific if you dont know why you are.
When I ask white men why they like black women (the ones who do, anyway), i usually hear "Because they're beautiful". And when i ask what the essence of that beauty is, they tend to tell me thesame things along the lines of "they are outspoken"..."nice shape"..."sexually liberated"...blablabla.

Not to say those are your reasons,but thats what I usually hear. bothers me because that doesnt make a black woman.
As much as some folks like to think that black women are outspoken there are some who arent. There are some who dont have the hour-glass-big-backside-shape that so many people like to assume black women have. There are some, who dont fit that stereotype. And we see more and more of those these days. Which drives me to ask these people...

Could it be then, that you like a women that are sexually liberated, nicely shaped, and outspoken?

Could it be that the infatuation isnt with a black woman but what you think that they symbolize?

I just wonder.

Sorry to write up an epistle on your page.

Give my words a thought, will you? A response would be nice too. :)


These are really frankly speaking questions that I think are very important and interesting. My answer why "I like black women" is easy and still so very hard to answer. One thing, I can't deny even if some find it superficial, is that the black woman are the ultimate beauty, according to me. And I guess that is not a news. But still it is important - the attraction, the physical attraction. I know we all have our own personal attractions. 

This might be a bit controversial - But to me the attraction for the black woman is nearly comparable to what for example a gay person feels for the same gender. Not that is is the same, at all, but this is the closest I could describe it right now. Even though I really can't describe it. And sometimes I think, "why do I have to have a real reason for what I like?" I mean, as long as I like something and if feels good inside of me, why do I need a better reason than feeling good?! :)

I agree with you to 100% - no one really fits into a sterotype. I don't like stereotypes and I beleive there are unique persons behind every single person out there - black or white. 
So to me I do not like black women for that "they are sexual liberated, nicely shaped and outspoken" - cuase that is not the alone reality. 

To explain deeper I can quote this (can't remember who said it):

"The Black Women have the ability to rise above severe adversity and triumph over challenge. Black women in the face of double jeopardy (being both black and female) have demonstrated a toughness to survive and a tenderness to inspire. I am in love with their elegance, perseverance and soulful style. They are all that!"

And after all, I do not tend to proclaim I have a complete answer to this, cuase it is really hard to describe. And I do not deny my blog and all this can have pieces of superficial substance. But this is my way to show the Black Woman some true love. My way to up-lift the Black Woman. In a media society like this we are living in, and with-out trying to be "political correct", I think it is very important to up-lift the Black Woman.

These are my thoughts for the moment! :)

Thanks for bringing this question up, very interesting!


Anonymous said...

Good post. It's okay to like whatever you like.

sky said...

I think the reason why this woman has a hard time with the answer men give as to why they like black women, is because she expects the indoctrinated answers. for so long black women have been told they are beautiful because they take care of their families, they are strong & independent.

black women have never been told they are beautiful because of their physical appearance. Instead we've been scrutinized for it. wide noses, dark skin, big lips, big butt, wide hips, which are now everything women are paying the doctors for that we naturally have.

So when she hears that men find her beautiful for her outer appearance she can't accept it, becuase she's been told those qualities are ugly. She wants to hear about the "strong black woman".

This black girl, This white town. said...

First, I wanted to say a big thank you for actually honouring this with a response.
Thank you WB.

Sky, I am an African female. I grew up with the belief that big, was beautiful. Big backsides, big stomach, big boobs, are all things that were considered beautiful in my culture. In addition to this, so were internal qualities as the ability to care for people, respect, and conform to ones culture. I dont agree to it all BUT am speaking objectively.

I'm not looking for a specific answer, Sky. But like i said, it does make me uncomfortable, knowing that we're often stereotyped to look a certain way.
But then again, maybe it is something i should accept just because every culture is stereotyped and I may as well accept it (hope you can tell I'm being sarcastic).

The point of my original comment to WB was...
"As much as some folks like to think that black women are outspoken there are some who arent. There are some who dont have the hour-glass-big-backside-shape that so many people like to assume black women have. There are some, who dont fit that stereotype. And we see more and more of those these days. Which drives me to ask these people...

Could it be then, that you like a women that are sexually liberated, nicely shaped, and outspoken?

Could it be that the infatuation isnt with a black woman but what you think that they symbolize?"

Summarized, I am hoping to challenge some reflection about what it is, these men like so much about black women.
What exactly is it?! They say you need no reason to love and I'd agree but deep within me, I know that there is a reason to everything. You dont need a reason, however, there is (are?) a it is with everything else in life. And I am curious, hence why I asked.

My point is, if these men are saying they love black women because they are beautiful and bold, then I wonder if they are attracted to these qualities as opposed to the black woman. A White, Native, Spanish sista could be elegant, persevering, soulful, bold and beautiful too. What then? Would these men who claim to be inlove with black men for these reasons be attracted to such a woman?

Please dont get me wrong, am in NO way trying to be condescending. I am not into that. I'm just trying to initiate some reflection here.

And Sky, not that it matters, but thought to let you know... I take pride in every inch of my body, flaws and perfected aspects included, because they all make me... besides, they've been with me all my life so we've learned to love each other and live in harmony (lol). AND I do love to hear about the strong black woman as I aspire to be more of that myself :)

(Thanks WB).

Anonymous said...

Quite frankly, the "strong black woman" moniker always bugged me a bit, it's as though we are some sort of otherworldly creature who don't need anybody or anything ever. Some are okay with that, but there's also nothing wrong with admitting to being human, with the insecurities and failings therein. Sometimes it can be jarring to be complimented on something that has never been truly celebrated elsewhre. Excellent post, sky.

Anonymous said...

I like this blog and I see no problem with him simply liking what he likes. I like strawberry icecream, why you may ask, I just like it. If i had to choose between peacan and rocky road, i'll still choose strawberry. why because i like it. There's nothing wrong with peacan or rocky road, but i like strawberry. what other reason do you need? Not that i'm trying to objectify bw, but that analogy was just for the sake of example. He likes what he likes why does he need to give an in depth essay.

Anonymous said...

On your opening post you said "I've lately realized that I think 95% of all black women - are beautiful! Interesting thought, that even me myself can't understand!"

I find that ironic because that is exactly how I feel about white men. Most of the ones I see, I feel are attractive. Even the ones white girls will say are ugly, I will find a redeeming feature on them, like their noses or lips. You can't always explain attraction. You just feel it. End of story.

Thank you for your blog.

Anonymous said...

TBG, maybe that's the problem. Your asking for a rational explanation why he thinks Black women are so attractive to him. Yes, its obvious there IS some reason or another for it (otherwise he wouldn't like Black women so much in the first place) but its also obvious that he doesnt really know the answer himself either. It's a bit like your favorite food or your favorite color or your favorite song. You cant really give any rational explanation that would make logical sense because its so subjective to begin with, you know? I think its the same for these White men who like Black women so much. They just are this way.

Anonymous said...

I'll be sure to check in later to read these. Been so darn busy can barely breathe! They look like some interesting comments


Be back later


This black girl, This white town. said...

Just to clear up a few possible misconceptions...first, I am not here to judge WB's choices/preferences. I am in no position to do that, neither do I care to. Second, the reason I asked, was the reason I asked. I asked because I wanted to ask... inquiring about something should not be a crime and neither do I feel the need to justify why. He did not have to answer HOWEVER, i do appreciate the fact that he did.
For Annon at April 14, 2009 2:44 PM, no I did not ask for a rational explanation. I asked if it could be that men who are attracted to black females, are attracted to the qualities that these men (the ones I've spoken to) claim that they have...that is, would they be attracted to say, a Chinese female with thesame? Hope that gives you a better understanding. I in no way, asked for a rational explanation.
Either way, appreciate your effort in trying to get me to understand this.

Now, WB, I hope I did not offend you with my question but something tells me I didnt because you wouldnt have answered if I did.

I asked a question... a curious mind wanted to know. I'm glad I asked.
WB, I'm a blog fan and I'll DEFINITELY be questioning and commenting on a lot of things. If you arent interested in answering any one of my questions in the future, please dont. I wont take offense.

Thanks WB.