Monday, April 20, 2009
A short story...
I've come to the conclusion and the grim reality about something. I'm not quite sure, but this is my experience. I've been to the Caribbean and the States and I get the feeling most black women either don't believe me or take me serious when I say the black woman is the defintion of true beauty. Last year I meet this police woman on an island in the Caribbean. To make the story short - she thought she knew what kind of women two white guys from Europe prefered. When I told her later that night about my preferences when it comes to women - she was almost in some sort of shock. She was pretty sure I was making a joke. But after I told here more, I could see she tried to understand the fact I was telling her. I still remember her answer: "I didnt even know there were white guys that liked black women at all..." I've felt this same feeling all over the world from time to time. I sometimes get the look like women at thinking "there's a drawback to your act". How come?
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13 comments:
I don't know about the Caribbean, but I can tell you that in the States there's still a perception among a lot of folks in the black community that no one but black men would find black women attractive...and any non-black male (especially white men) who say they are attracted to black women only want them for sex, not a serious relationship. A lot of it stems from the effects of slavery and segregation in the US. Please don't let that perception put you off though. That perception is changing especially with our generation. There are plenty of black women out there who are willing and happy to date anyone they think is a good guy...black, white, asian, hispanic, whatever.
I agree with American Black Chick. Black women are often told that no man wants them because they are not feminine enough, have an attitude, too domineering, etc. So, SOME Black men, not all, use that as a reason as to why they and non-Black men would not see us as a good partner. Adding that to the dysfunctional history Black people and White people have had for the last couple of centuries, it makes it difficult for some Black women to take a White man seriously. I know from my personal experience being born and raised in the South, it has not been easy for me to date non-black men. My parents were uneasy about it, but when they saw that I was happy, they backed off. I just don't think that anyone should let other people negatively influence them on who they should date or have a relationship with. I have White female friends with Black partners and I could care less. I have a few Black female friends who are with White or non Black men and they are very happy. I have always had the perception that Europe was more open minded towards IRR. My husband is from England and I saw it everywhere and no one seemed to care. Although, he told me that there are still some places in London you can't go if you are not White because it could be rough. Still many White men here in the States are attracted to BW, but they are intimidated by so many different things and some of them are even afraid to approach for those reasons.
I love how open you are about your love of BW because, growing up in the U.S., I experienced so much ANTI-BW COWARDICE from WM/NON-BM who might have been attracted to BW but didn't want ANYONE to know it. It really hurt to be treated like a second class woman or a dirty little secret by this type of WM/NON-BM just because I am a BW. Thankfully , I've had more positive experiences with younger (under 34) American guys and European guys. Your PRO-BW attitude is so refreshing and it can teach other WM/NON-BM to NOT BE AFRAID to OPENLY ADMIRE BW as well as seriously date and/or marry them.
I'm glad you can feel me. And Im happy to read your comments. And I'm happy there are black women liking a white b'woy like me! :)
Big-up yourself and thanks for the support!!
Go to London ! Find yourself a wife...LOL :-)
Sometimes i'm just baffled b/c i feel black women are absolutely beautiful and i'm not just saying this b/c i'm a black woman.
But i understand the brain washing. It started when i wondered why it was okay for black men/white women to date but taboo the other way round and it's b/c the white women is seen as the object of anyone's affection. The black woman is the farthest from that look and then add in the history of slavery, even our own men think we aren't worth it. (and they wonder why we're mad black women. lol)
anyway, i've dated black men but for over 15 yrs i've mostly only dated white. it's just what is. of course i've come across the ones who want the experience but i've had a number who loved me and wanted to be w/ me.
Personally, i seriously think dark skin is beautiful and sexy along w/ full lips and kinky hair. People think i'm trying to be *proud* when i say tat but i seriously mean it. It's sad that the world has told black women that they aren't deseriable and they believe it. I think blogs and topics like this would help to knock that falsity out the park.
Suesue: :D So London is the place to be? :)
Yola: I can feel you.. and it's true, it seems more of a taboo when it comes to BW & WM than BM & WW...
I think what needs to be understood is that...sometimes in the Caribbean black women aren't really exposed to white men who are interested in relationships...or who express their interest in black women. If anything they're exposed to students who study at the universities and med schools, or tourists, yachties, contract workers..along those lines. And these people often times have never even been with a black girl so just want the experience..or are just looking for some quick local action. Growing up in Grenada i never considered the possibility of white men being attracted to me, or me being attracted to them. Then i moved to the U.S. and things slowly changed. :-). This police woman has most likely spent her entire life on the island, probably doesnt use the computer much, and even if she has travelled...never really stayed anywhere long enough to consider interracial relationships being a very real possibility. Now i'm back home and i've had to deal with my fair share of med students, yachties, contract workers, tourists etc....all just wanting to "experience a black woman". It's really easy to tell a guys intentions. I can't speak for everyone..but i'm sure I pretty much hit the nail on the head with my description. Hope it helps :-)
These comments are so pathetic! Why is it that the issues are placed on the black women as if there isn't a reason to mistrust white men... as if slavery didn't happen. Dern right any white man approaching a black woman should be looked at from a side angle cause 10 to 1 dude has some inner issue/fantasy that he is trying to play out... and too many black women fall for it. I mean how can they not? Because after all it's their fault for thinking only black men find them attractive, or its their fault they are seen as sex objects.
Mr Blogger... how about you dedicate a blog to something other than the physical attributes of black women that you find attractive. You are just like the rest of white men getting their rocks off (based on your blog entries thus far) to the look of a dark skinned black beauty. I am from the caribbean, and it has nothing to do with seeing few white men. The relationship between white men and black women have traditionally been solely about the white man's fascination with the physical attributes of a black woman, and the black woman's lack of validation from men relatives in her life... both need something so they get together. For those who are sure of themselves just don't find your fascination cute. ^_^ I have nothing against you... really I don't... I'm just answering your question.
To Neely: While I agree with some of your statements, I do not agree with your comment about "some" Black women who are with WM because they have issues with their male relatives. I grew up having my Father around and we adored each other. I've dated BM before, but I know that I have a preference for WM and Non-Black men. It doesn't make me less confident, I think it makes me more confident. It takes someone who will go against what most people think and to follow what you really believe in. I wouldn't describe myself as a "Black Militant" but I definitely know my history. To not let the past dominate your present and future, you have to look at the individual and not the group. BW should not be judged because of their preferences. I'm not with a WM because I'm trying to "Get Back" at BM for something, nor am I insecure about my looks to the point where I need validation from a WM to feel good about myself. I genuinely appreciate Andreas for this blog and the positivity that it promotes. I think that he is genuine in his feelings. Yes, I've crossed paths with WM who have a "Fetish" for BW and I've left them alone. But not ALL WM are that way. It's time for BW to think outside of the box and realize that they have other options other that BM.
well i was disscussing this with one of my friends and we were saying that we felt white guys dont really look at black girls and if they do the woman has to be model thin. This is from what i experienced lol. I live in Brooklyn and i do like white guys but they really dont even look at you when you make eye contact its really funny to see their reaction if you do and say hi....we were also talking about how we think that if you have a shape or if your curvy white guys dont look in your direction....Bklyn and Manhattan needs more guys like you...I have only dated one white guy and that was back in highschool....i would like to date anotha white guy but dunno if thats gonna happen in NYC.
I have a friend from Queens, NY and she has said the same thing. The WM would stare at her and if she looked back or responded, they would get weird. Ironically, the WM here in the South were the ones asking her out. I had always thought that NY was a "melting pot" and that WM were more open-minded. I don't think being stick-thin would affect a WM from being interested, in fact, the one's really 9nterested in BW don't want a really skinny girl, but a girl with some curves. I think it's more to do with some WM feeling that a BW will reject them because we are the lest likely to go IR.
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