I think it's time we break this down - for good! :) And I need your help.
As long as I've got this blog I've got this question from time to time. And to be honest, I can't really answer the question, by myself - so help me fill it in.
As Leonora is asking me:
"My friend told me about your site because she happened to come across it while looking up interracial love and black women, something we have been discussing alot. She found your blog interesting and told me to take a look. It was funny because at first we couldn't believe it...we were both like "wow...white men actually like black women!" I guess we have always figured some do but the question that is yet to be answered is....why is it that in public places a white man will look at a black woman, even smile or say a word or two but they don't go any further. Is it because they are scared of what people may think? Are they uncomfortable approaching a black woman? We simply don't understand it. There is a growing population of black women who are attracted to white men but the problem is they don't know what to do or how to go about it because the white men don't seem to approach them. My friend and i both being a part of that group of women."
- The the Black women out there, are you feeling the same way? Is this a common feeling? Tell us about your thoughts and experiences.
- And the White guys out there... is this really true? Are scared? Scared of the beautiful black woman? Are we scared of what people may think?
Let's break this down together. Once and for all! :)
Thanks Leonora & Taf for bringing this question to surface! :)
40 comments:
I'm not scared to hook up with a black beauty that's for sure!
-Robin
I've never dated a white man, but I have dated inter-racially. I think a lot of it is fear of rejection, being socially accepted by their peers who do not date outside of their race, and fear of not being able to empathize or understand a different culture. I think once you actually engage in conversation, take time to get to know each other - there's more in common that meets the eye.
Kudos to you for bringing up this topic - cuz there are a lot of gorgeous white men out there just waiting for a brown-skinned queen to brighten up their world!
I agree with what was said in the comment left by Sn3akrFr3akr. I think fear of rejection is possibly one issue amongst others.
....Could it be that most times it is hard for a man looking to date interracially to tell if the black woman they are attracted to / would like to get to know is interested in dating interracialy too. So instead of trying to find out they opt to let it be?
It would be great if more men would be willing to take a chance and strike up a conversation ...they would be surprised by just how many black beauties are interested in dating outside their race.
Leonora
I have had experiences where WM will look and smile, then when I would smile back, they look like a deer caught in the head lights--this look of panic. Or if I would be making small talk, and thinking that I would get asked out, they all of a sudden, look nervous, cut the conversation off and leave. From my experience, some are afraid of rejection and may have had that experience of being turned down by a BW before.
Hmmm, it could be a lot of things, from both sides. White men in some parts of the world are "conditioned", ie, brainwashed, made to feel guilty, if they find women of other races appealing,and because they're generally a very loyal gender, they have adhered to this for very long. See how they are being slowly "attacked" because many are verbally expressing their preferences for Asian women, eg. I think where black women are concerned, you've got the black men, who scare the bejesus, it seems, or is it the "sexual" bejesus out of too many white men along with most black women (verbally) loyally, expressing their preference for black men and violà, that has made an impact on men today who would want to approach, but hesitate. Men do measure each other BY their endowment, irrespective of how much material wealth one may possess. It takes, in my opinion, any white male who doesn't buy into the myths and stereotypes to approach a black women, especially in the West. But hey, they (white men) helped spread this stereotype of black men, so it's biting them in their arses, so to speak.
My problem is that the USofA has managed to spread their ignorance and propoganda all over the world of racial belittlering and beauty and it seems we're so dumb on Mcdonalds and Starbucks, that we (rest of world) have bought into it. Too bad. My mum and her hubby then are one of a kind. He loves her passionately. She's afro-caribbean and he's German, English mixed. They've been married for more than 25yrs and he still can't get enough of her!!!!. She came into the relationship with kids too!. He's my role model for the kind of man I want: humble, hardworking, loyal, passionate. Gooooooo stepdad. You've made my mum the happiest women ever!.
I have dated a white guy before. He didn't seem too scared to approach me. I think it really just depends on the person. To be honest I get more interest from white guys than I do black guys. I don't know why that is but from my own personal experience all the white guys I've known and who liked me have been very forward about it and didn't seem scared because I wasn't the same race as them at all. I only wish I had been such a chicken myself!
Interracial marriage is a controversial topic as it is already. I mean, look at the flack white men get from white women and Asian men for dating and marrying Asian women a lot, and in the case of white men and Asian women there isn't even any historical baggage involved. With black women there is more historical baggage, and white women and black men exploit that relentlessly to keep white men away from black women for their own self-interests. Couple that with the fear rejection like others pointed out, and there's just a bigger barrier for white men to cross in order to reach black women. Even despite all that, it's really becoming more and more common though. Some white men aren't afraid or worried anymore about feeling very attracted to black women, and it's slowly but surely starting to show. This blog is another example of it I think!
I absolutely agree. I have had some WM I know ask me about "endowment." It is just another tool used to separate BW from WM. There are some BM who are hung like a mosquito and there are some WM that are very well-endowed. But you are right, these stereotypes were created by them as a way to divide. Good for your parents for staying together and loving each other in spite of what others thought.
this is quite a topic. my husband is a wm and we love each other to death = ] maybe i'll ask him what his take is on this!
i know that i've always been open minded because there was a long time in my life when i felt like i wasn't beautiful...i know how it feels to be judged harshly for no good reason, so i could never do it to another person!
also i think i saw my mom's troubles with bm and i vowed that i wouldn't count someone out of the race just because they were white or hispanic or middle eastern, etc.
and now my auntie is marrying a wm LOL i know my hub and i inspire people to be more open minded and i love that about us.
anyone wanna chat more, just let me know!
xo
I am a 47yr old white man and i have always love black women! I do think white men are a little scared of how to approach a black woman. Not because of what other white people think, i could care less but how the black woman would take it.I think alot of black women are open minded about dating out side of there race. We as white men have to give the black women a chance and approach them with respect of course!Some will be all for it some won't but if you don't try you'll never know.So white men need to step up to the plate and give the sisters a chance! It wouldn't hurt if you sisters help us out and do a little flirting with a white man your interested in either!That lets us know your ok with the other race.a lover of black women Scott
Sandra, I can't fathom your question. Nothing in my statement indicates that I believe Europeans and Canadians are not white????????? Of course
Europeans and Canadians as well as Americans come in all colors. My only interest is in WHITE men, does not matter where they are from. Just very frustrated with the phony excuse making of American white men, therefore my interest is in more honest European and Canadian white men. Aussie and Kiwi men interest me as well.
as a white male, my experience with Black women, well. African women (I have no experience with AfricanAmerican women or caribbean women so I can't speak for them) is that they want a real man whereas a white women quite often look for a girl with a penis. and to be honest, white men are mostly acting like girls these days with the Metrosexuality thing going on. as stated by my naija girl!
like it or love it!
@Mjölner, Wow, what an interesting comment. I think you've helped me have an epiphany of sorts! I think you are absolutely correct. Thanks for sharing.
Black women are used to a more aggressive approach, black men are ALWAYS approaching us.. constantly. You will never see a white man standing on a corner going 'whats good ma" LOL am I right? I think it's unfamiliarity on both sides we just have to find a middle ground and white men need to start getting more aggressive with black women, because that's what we're used to
This is why it is imperative that we as black women engage in activities that white men themselves get involved in. Such as volunteering with organizations such as "going green"/politics. Take a language course or a cooking class (even if you know how to cook), so that you can meet these men.
In almost every story i've read about bw/wm getting married and how they met, was solely based on each others interest in something. What are you interested in? go ahead a do it! (outside of your home, no online classes)
I believe once we start doing that we can be more comfortable with each other in public places. I'm starting to see wm warming up to the fact of talking to bw. I've had wm strike up a conversation with me in McDonald's and even seen a wm compliment a black woman right infront of me.
And remember ladies to use your feminine card. We've been taught to be "sista soliders". Do soliders smile and flirt when they are on duty?? no and guess what neither are we.
So whenever you go out, look like you want to be approachable. Before you step out that door have positive thoughts about yourself, look good, smell good and you'll feel good. I know this may not seem like anything, but believe me its a huge step.
"...and white men need to start getting more aggressive with black women, because that's what we're used to".
anonymous @ June 17, 2010 2:58 PM
-----------------------------------
I'm not part of a monolith, so I beg to differ with this comment. I neither encourage or like men who approach me aggressively. Luckily I'm living in a Country where the men are not "hanging on the streets, hollering at women". This approach shows a lack of respect and I couldn't understand any woman who would respond to this. Like I've written (I'm the anon @ June 10, 2010 9:47 PM) my stepdad has set the standard for me.
XaiXai says,
I feel it's a couple of things,
A) cowardice,
B) comparisons to the MYTH of the great black penis and
C) fear of public rejection from a "lowly" black woman.
These things tend to make me think very little of American white men.
-Let's see; the men who conquered the earth and the moon are afraid of the opinions of others?
-Hmmm, cultural incompatibility?
White men date foreign born Asians on a daily basis yet can't see dating a fellow middle class well educated, soft spoken black woman?
-White men afraid of what black males will do/say? Let's see, you don't have a problem putting black males in their place in any other situation, why tiptoe now.
-Afraid of the big black dick? Nothing would kill that myth quicker than showing black women it's a lie. And judging from the smiling serene faces of most of the women in wm/bw ir it IS A MYTH!
-My only interest is in WHITE men, does not matter where they are from. Just very frustrated with the phony excuse making of American white men, therefore my interest is in more honest European and Canadian white men. Aussie and Kiwi men interest me as well.
laromana says,
XaiXai, I agree 1000% with everything you've stated in your comments. Thanks for clearly/excellently articulating the FACTS behind the "FEARS" American WM have/have had about BW.
Like you, it bothers me that MANY American WM who "CLAIM" to be attracted to BW,CHOOSE NOT to treat BW like NORMAL, HUMAN WOMEN who are UNIQUE INDIVIDUALS, (NOT stereotypes).
MANY American WM who "CLAIM" to be attracted to BW,CHOOSE to continue believing ANTI-BW LIES, MYTHS, and STEREOTYPES that TRASH the HUMANITY, DIGNITY, and FEMININITY of BW, instead of ACTUALLY getting to know REAL LIFE BW.
MANY American WM who "CLAIM" to be attracted to BW, CHOOSE to MAKE EXCUSES about why they DON'T establish NORMAL dating and/or marriage relationships with them.
uh the rate at which WM marry BW has been going nothing but up over the years so maybe a frustrated few shouldn't be generalizing so much
Anonymous says,
uh the rate at which WM marry BW has been going nothing but up over the years so maybe a frustrated few shouldn't be generalizing so much
laromana,
Anon, you're WRONG to claim that a "frustrated few shouldn't be generalizing so much" in reference those discussing problems with how WM and BW interact in relationships.
Although WM/BW rates are going up in RELATIVE terms, they are STILL not as common as ALL OTHER IRR'S (ie. WM/AW, WM/HW, BM/WW, BM/HW, BM/AW etc.)and there are DEFINITELY NEGATIVE issues that STILL need to be dealt with to make WM/BW IRR's MORE MAINSTREAM, NORMAL, and ACCEPTABLE to EVERYONE.
as a white man i always found black women attractive and i get a lot of smiles from black women but wonder if it could cause problems between their family and mine let's face it a lot of families still have this problem on both sides!
I have dated a lot of white men, and I think it's purely a cultural bias. I live in South Carolina and I've heard countless white men say they just aren't attracted to black women, or that it never occurred to them do date them.
The ones who are attracted to them are too intimidated to say anything or they are indeed afraid of what "society" would think if they were to be seen in public. Unfortunately, particularly in the South, there are some deeply rooted prejudices on both sides regarding this issue. Rarely do you see whites and blacks socialize together in this state, let alone date.
Yes, I've been stared at or had people shake their heads at me. But I find that my generation and those younger than I are just *now* starting to break away from this stigma.
Anonymous says,
as a white man i always found black women attractive and i get a lot of smiles from black women but wonder if it could cause problems between their family and mine let's face it a lot of families still have this problem on both sides!
laromana says,
Anon, it's great you find BW attractive but we need more WM who don't allow what others think stop them from establishing serious relationships and/or marriage with BW.
Why are all the comments from women lol where the men at its cool 4 sistas to go outside the race but this is just sad if a man dont approach u he dont want u or just simply dont deserve u i wouldn`t recommend any women making desperate attempts to go out of there way 2get any mans attention of any race f that no other women of any other race goes thru that kind of crap y should we this is simply sad im happily married 2 an elsalvadorian man because he had the balls to let me know that he found me to be his type . papito i love you dearly . Chocolatita besitos
Well, I think I'm a minority on this site as I am a black woman married 20 years to a black man. However, I have noticed recently more and more black women dating/marrying white men and they seem as happy (or unhappy) as any other couple. So I'm glad that the world is giving way to equality (though not easily, by any means) and letting people find love where they can find it. I only have one comment to make directly in response to someone else's comment. In response to sssdawna's comment: Yes, I see black women and the problems they have in relationships with black men. But I see strong evidence that relationships of ALL racial types have problems. Just as you saw those problems and decided not to limit your prospects because of race, I saw those problems and decided not to discount all black men because of their race. And I'm glad I looked at it that way. Otherwise, I might have missed the true love of my life to my best friend and an excellent father and lover. I hope that everyone can find this sort of love but I hope that no one is searching elsewhere because of disappointment within their own race. There are good and bad, strong and weak in all races and all relationships.
Good read ! Let us all encourage women and empower them to stand up against all the attrocities of the society. Women empowerment is also a part of Millenium Development Goals….
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I think wm's think that most bw r intimidating. I am currently have this issue...LOL
I like this blog and the issues it is bringing up. Also I am glad that people are responding, because through honest dialogue we begin to break down walls. I am 29 and from the West Indies. I have lived in the US for 17years. America has opened my eyes to the world in the harshest of ways. My family's motto is "The More The Merrier". We believe in incorporating as many races and cultures as possible. Living my life by this creed had been met with loads of opposition in America. Although this country is full of many varied races and cultures living, it is by no way a melting pot. I find it more to be a layered cake (or anything like such), everyone lives in their own world, with a micro element of each group touching a mixing with another. From my own experience there is alot of ignorance involved and reluctance to even move past the point of what has been learned or is comfortable. I love men: white, black, brown, yellow. I was at an interacial wedding a few weeks ago WM/BW couple and I was really happy. It seems like the BM/WW couple is more prevalent and accepted. I can't speak for all black women, but as for me, I have no dating race hang ups. I am sorry if I sound rambly I can't get my head straight after that win from Spain over the Netherlands. I need a nap now. Laters.
Andreas, I am very curious. Are you dating a black woman currently?
I have no problem attracting white men, and they have no problem talking to me lol.
Probably because of my general appearance.
I say if you want someone, go for it.
This is 2010, and the whole 'black women should date black men and white women should date white men' is so dated.
Spread the love people!
Haha :]
I really don't get it. I grew up with military children, and I myself dated plenty of white men. The most aggravating thing though is that when I did other black people assumed I didnt like black people, and white people assumed I was a gold digger. Eh, not even close. I just had more in common with the white men that I dated and they were brave enough to approach me. Thats really half the battle to be honest. But being in racist SC doesnt help either, especially when older people look at you sideways all the time and assume that you dont appreciate your black brothers and sisters. Dispite my afro, and despite the fact that I date all races and sexes. I just wish people would take their heads out of their asses.
I think it's completely the opposite & the contrary. Yt ( man & woman) all over the western world are more & more obsessed by Black People. Why? If somebody has a real answer, it'd be interesting.Some of them even go far in the south hemi, in Afrika in particular to buy themselves a black man or a Black Wombman with their strong & foreign currencies...
I am a beuatiful Black woman who have dated white men. I am very interested in dating White men and I feel that many more white men are stepping up due to sites like this and everywhere else. Also a lie needs legs to carry on. Just as soon as these starting to become less and less louder , White, non-black men will see that Black women have always been interested. As far as the "endowment" , I wll love to know the man above the waist before finding out what is below.
Big brains have changed this world, not big d***.
Keep up the excellent work with this site.
Hi!
I live in Brazil and although most of the population has mixed race (europeans, indians and africans), it is very rare to see an interracial couple, specially when the woman is black and the guy is white.
It's pretty ok for blond girls to date black guys, for example... can't explain it.
Congrats on your blog!
I would love date outside my race, but when I approach a white boy or asian boy, or latino boy, they just run away from me. I don't know but me being a single gal, I just have to wait for the right one to come along regardless of color.
They seem to be more scared in the U.S. than Europe or Australia. The U.S. has a lot of issues for as far as it's progressed (ha ha) and I honestly think many white men (at least in the U.S.) are scared of white women.
So the point is to deal with real men. If they're going to be scared of what some chick says, who needs them. Choose guys that know what they want. My hubs did. He knew what he wanted and he's certainly not intimidated by any white woman that might have an issue with us.
The question is - Do BW like WM in general?
I always hear this f***ing expression "white ass"! Oh my!
Personally i find BW far more attractive than "others". They have great talent, tremendous voices, voluptuous bodies, incredible lips and eyes. I have to confess... i dream of dating with one feline, gorgeous and charismatic velvety and vanilla african skin!
David (daoudhammer@hotmail.fr) -France.
I'm crazy about black women.. Really !!
Nothing more gorgeous than a white boy wedding a beautiful black woman... a symbol!
If you're a WM, live in AZ and you love black women, let's have coffee, a cocktail, a walk in the park, make a new friend ;-) Never know ;-))) Really want to go race go carts, feed my need for speed, jet ski, go camping and play house ;-) under the stars lol
I don't know for sure about other white guys but for me it's I'm more "scared" of rejection ... I mean, if I'm REALLY attracted to a black woman, how do I know if she feels the same about me? Why would she want to be (or date) a white guy? I've not seen too many black women with white guys but I've seen a lot of black guys with white women! :/ I guess what I'm trying to say is, maybe we feel that since the above is true, maybe black women don't WANT to be with white guys ... why try and get hurt? :(
One thing is little bit frustrating. Many times i've red and heard talks about wm who don't like kinky/nappy haired black woman. In real world i've seen several times that those white man who dated black females have darlings with nappy hair, average dark or very dark skin, and generally far from Halle Berry-type bf.
So who are they claiming about that hair and color of skin issue and why?
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